Dragon Ball Z Fanfiction Abridged
by meganechan720
Summary: Character pairings are an integral part of fanfiction. What if some of the most common fan pairings got the abridged treatment? My entry for the Dragon Ball Z Abridged Fanart Contest.
1. Chapter 1

Dragon Ball Z Fanfiction Abridged

_Character pairings are an integral part of fanfiction. What if some of the most common fan pairings got the abridged treatment?_

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><p><strong>Trunks and Goten are Gay For Each Other Abridged<strong>

"No son of mine!" Vegeta raged incoherently as Trunks dodged ki blasts aimed at him. "No son of mine—Kakarot's brat—disowned—"

Chi-Chi sniffed at this display and turned to Goten.

"You can do better."

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><p><strong>Piccolo and Gohan Are More Than Teacher and Pupil Abridged <strong>

"Kaaaaah—"

"Oh shit—"

"Meeeeeh—"

"Piccolo, get out of here—"

"Haaaaah—"

"Mom, it's not what you think!"

"Meeeeh—"

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><p><strong>How <strong>_**Did **_**They Get Together, Anyway? Abridged, Part 1**

"You're kind of short," Bulma said dubiously. Vegeta's grin was cocky.

"I'm big where it counts."

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><p><strong>Piccolo and Chi-Chi Go Behind Goku's Back Abridged<strong>

Piccolo blushed bright purple. "Um… you know I'm asexual, right?"

Chi-Chi rolled her eyes. "Well, you can't be any worse in bed than Goku. And at least you're _around_. I can handle the lack of testicles just for that."

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><p><strong>How <strong>_**Did**_** They Get Together, Anyway? Abridged, Part 2**

"You're kind of short," Eighteen said bluntly. Krillin smiled nervously.

"I'm big where it counts?"

"No, you're not," she said, studying her nails. "But since my only other option is Yamcha, yeah, sure, whatever."

"Yes!"

"But you have to grow out your hair."

"Done and _done_!"

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><p><strong>Piccolo Paired with Anyone Abridged, Part 1<strong>

"I'm one of the few survivors of an alien race that reproduces by coughing up eggs, despite all appearances I'm apparently genderless, and there are at least two other people living in my head."

The small redhead sitting across from him stared, slack-jawed. Piccolo sighed. Why had he let Gohan talk him into this speed dating thing again?

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><p><strong>Goku and Freeza <strong>_**Were**_** Alone Together on Namek—Anything Could Have Happened Abridged**

"Hey, Freeza, are you a boy or a girl?"

"Am I _what_."

"Never mind. I'll just use my trusty pat-pat technique. It never fails!"

"Excuse _me_—eeeeeeek!"

"A-HA! I knew it. You_ are_ a girl!"

"You're _vile_!"

"No, I'm definitely straight. Just ask Chi-Chi."

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><p><strong>Piccolo Paired with Anyone Abridged, Part 2<strong>

Piccolo stared.

"Weren't you on Namek?"

"I don't like to talk about that," Cui sighed, toying with his water glass. "Anyway, I wanted to see what all the fuss was about."

"I don't think it works that way…"

Cui smiled wickedly. "We could find out."

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><p><strong>Vegeta and Goku Must Have Some Serious UST, Right? Abridged<strong>

"There's no way in hell."

"It's okay, Vegeta. Piccolo told me yaoi is just a type of muffin."

"Then he dies first."

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><p><strong>Gohan and Videl Try to Get Past First Base Abridged, Part 1<br>**

Videl leaned forward. Gohan leaned back. "I… need an adult?"

His girlfriend tore at her hair. "Gohan, for the last time, you _are_ an adult!"

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><p><strong>Piccolo Paired with Anyone Abridged, Part 3<strong>

Piccolo sighed in exasperation.

"Dende, you're not even old enough to drive."

The younger Namekian made himself more comfortable in his booster seat.

"Don't worry, I'm just here for the food."

"But we don't eat food… do we?"

Dende gave him a patient look.

"Piccolo, I've been meaning to tell you. You know Nail's just been messing with you this whole time, right?

"What?"

"Slug people. Haha. Good one, Nail."

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><p><strong>Goten and Bra Abridged<strong>

Chi-Chi raged, throwing dishes and furniture across the room.

"No son of mine—disgraceful—that slut—disowned—"

Vegeta shook his head at his daughter.

"I don't care about the boy, but I will not be related to _her_," he said.

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><p><strong>Pan and Trunks Abridged <strong>

"But I AM an adult!"

"Pan, you're 11. That would be statutory rape."

"What's statutory rape?"

"…I rest my case."

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><p><strong>Gohan and Videl Try to Get Past First Base Abridged, Part 2<strong>

"…and then she threw my book bag out after me." Gohan ran a hand through this hair. "I know it shouldn't be this difficult to engage in sexually themed displays of affection with my significant other, but every time she gets near me I just freeze up. Against my better judgment I'm going to ask if you have any advice."

The Namekian opened his mouth to speak, but Gohan continued.

"And I swear if you say 'dodge' you're getting a Kamehameha right upside the head."

Piccolo closed his mouth, opting for silence.

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><p><strong>Piccolo Paired with Anyone Abridged, Part 4<strong>

"Okay, this is getting ridiculous. Nail, we share the same _body_."

"Yeah, about that. Piccolo, buddy… this isn't working out."

"What."

"It's just been kind of crowded in here ever since Kami moved in, and we haven't been spending as much time together as we used to…"

"Are you… are you _breaking up_ with me?"

"It's not you, Piccolo, it's me. I just feel like we've grown apart."

"We can't _grow apart_, we're fused together. Permanently."

"I… may have exaggerated about the permanent part."

"That reminds me, Dende says we're not really slug people."

"Ha, are you still on about that? You are so gullible, Piccolo. I will always love that about you, even if we're not fuse buddies anymore."

"Fine! Who needs you anyway. I still have Kami. Right, Kami?"

"Piccolo, my boy… we need to talk."


	2. Chapter 2

_Here's a bonus chapter in honor of Episode 30, because the one ship they made canon was the one I didn't include._**  
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><p><strong>Gohan and Dende: It's Funny Because it's Canon!<strong> **Abridged**

Dende shivered as Gohan trailed his index finger down his antenna.

"G-Gohan?" he queried tremulously. "What are you doing on New Namek?"

"Shhh," his friend murmured, pulling him into a shirtless embrace, "Don't speak. I had to see you. I just wanted to tell you that… I love you, Dende… Dende…"

"Dende!"

The little green boy shot up, looking around wildly.

"Huh? What?"

Tograc was looking down at him, expression somewhere between confused and alarmed.

"Dende, why are you hugging your pillow like that?"

"What?" He looked down, to find himself clutching his pillow with both arms and legs. He let go quickly. "Nothing!"

Tograc just continued looking at him for a moment, before shaking his head. "Riiight. Look, Mori's expecting you. He said he wants to start teaching you the ways of the Namekian Elder. If you hurry you won't be late."

"Right!" The little boy hastily hopped down off the bed and raced out the door. Tograc frowned down at the boy's bed.

"Gohan?" he muttered. "Why does that name sound so familiar?" Eventually he shrugged, and left the small hut to go get some breakfast.


End file.
